there is this type of saddness, one may experience, that comes and goes for no particular reason. i’ll be sitting on my bed, admiring the speckles on my cieling, listening to classical music on the AM radio, when tears just start falling from my face, traveling from my eyes down past my ears, tickling my neck. i start to feel sad and realize that nothing is wrong, and i sit up, wipe my tears, turn off the radio, and go to sleep.
but i can’t because my heart feels heavy, and i start to think about all of the people in my life, and things i should have done, and who i am, and i begin question my existence, the fact that there is so much beauty in the world and that there is also so much hate. it all clouds my mind and i sometimes feel like i am a sponge, absorbing everybody else’s feelings until i’m too full so i need to drain it a little. that’s why i think that this happens.
“so, this is my life. and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
